More on September.....
Life change in progress. I am enrolled in Massage Therapy classes and in ten (short?) months I will be eligible to take my National and State boards and then work some magic, so to speak. I am super excited and INCREDIBLY nervous and constantly stressed. But I figure since I stress all the time learning ways to relieve stress and heal others just may work on myself a bit too. Not to mention during school I will receive 2 massage a week! Woot!! Now, I just need to survive school, in more literal terms, keep the lights on while I am hitting the books. Oh yea, and keep looking for that mysterious check in the mail from someone who loves me ;)
OCTOBER!
This month makes me think of pumpkins! I love pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin cupcakes... you see the pattern. I also love that the weather takes a great turn in October and the world becomes bearable once again. It is so refreshing. So books are my bestest friends in the whole world, I really believe this. I love books. I love pbs.com too. And since I discovered the paperback swapping site my love has expanded at a relatively small cost. I LOVE my NOOK!!! It is fabulous and since I can keep a digital library not every surface of my place is littered (oh that sounds like a treacherous word) with paperbacks. My challenge this month is to read something Science Fiction. This just seems like a punishment in all honesty I have no clue what I was thinking when I wrote that at the beginning of the year. I need to organize summer photos which technically I did already here http://365project.org/alinataylor/365/2010-09-05
I sought other books by an author I love to read, Ellen Hopkins. I realized I have yet to read Impulse so that is a must, and I read her newest book Fallout. I just love her style and candor. And I think I will reread Pride and Prejudice, simply because I love it so.
So not too sure how I will accomplish this additional reading because I am starting an anatomy class in two weeks and will only have time for the muscular anatomy for a while; but, I always make time for my books. It's like a smoker who always can find time for a cigarette, I can always get a page or two in :)
October --->Books
*Embrace new books (read something Science Fiction)
*Make a photo book from summer photos
*Seek other books by authors I enjoy
*Reread Jane Austen
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
September-----> Career Exploration
September-->Career Exploration
*Dig DEEP!
*Explore my options
*Try something new
*Be true to Alina
Well, well, well, here goes nothing. I am embarking on a new career. After Praxis II exams, countless attempts at straightening things out for grad school or alternative certification, a handful of denied teaching positions and a reality check on the costs of pursing another degree. I am abandoning my goal of teaching. Deep down, I know I will teach someday. If that means later in life I will return to college or I end up in Africa somewhere teaching in a hut, I do not know. But I know at this moment in life I am not going to school for education. I love being in the schools and absolutely enjoy substituting but I cannot handle the bureaucracy of the system at the moment. It is a tango I am unskilled to dance.
I explored other options that appeal to me and after much thought and careful consideration of weighing pros and cons I am entering Massage Therapy School. I am extremely excited to learn a craft that can help people. I am also excited to know that when I graduate I will possess a specific skills set for working in a field that I enjoy and the flexibility of the career is perfect for raising two kiddos.
This definitely fits into my trying something new guideline.
*Dig DEEP!
*Explore my options
*Try something new
*Be true to Alina
Well, well, well, here goes nothing. I am embarking on a new career. After Praxis II exams, countless attempts at straightening things out for grad school or alternative certification, a handful of denied teaching positions and a reality check on the costs of pursing another degree. I am abandoning my goal of teaching. Deep down, I know I will teach someday. If that means later in life I will return to college or I end up in Africa somewhere teaching in a hut, I do not know. But I know at this moment in life I am not going to school for education. I love being in the schools and absolutely enjoy substituting but I cannot handle the bureaucracy of the system at the moment. It is a tango I am unskilled to dance.
I explored other options that appeal to me and after much thought and careful consideration of weighing pros and cons I am entering Massage Therapy School. I am extremely excited to learn a craft that can help people. I am also excited to know that when I graduate I will possess a specific skills set for working in a field that I enjoy and the flexibility of the career is perfect for raising two kiddos.
This definitely fits into my trying something new guideline.
August-----> Money
August --->Money
*Make some
*Spend some
*Save some
*Establish a vacation goal with the kids and start a jar
*Evaluate my relationship with money and improve it
At this point in my life money seems to rear an ugly side of me. Simply for the fact that there is little to go around. I am not alone in my hardship at this time, much of America is out of work or surviving on substantially less than in previous years. I take it personally though. I am a hard-worker. I am a mother raising two kiddos and I need to provide for them. I want to give them more than I received and at this time it is difficult. I stretch money better than I thought was possible and appreciate the lessons of management I am learning. I hope to jump this hurdle, hold on to the lessons and not enter this zone again down the road.
I am able to substitute teach some since school is back in session and that helps a great deal. I also do photography engagements, in-store event auditing, and the occasional craft order. If something else comes along that I am suited for that will yield a profit I jump on it and get to work.
Saving money is difficult now because there is barely enough for the things that must be paid. I know once I am able to work regularly I will save because I know the feeling of being empty in the bank. I took so much for granted before I lost my job. There was never a worry of paying a bill on time. No need to balance anything before deciding where to eat and now things are different. I cook mostly and when we eat out it is a treasure. We are not frequenting shows and such as much and when we do go everyone is excited.
*Make some
*Spend some
*Save some
*Establish a vacation goal with the kids and start a jar
*Evaluate my relationship with money and improve it
At this point in my life money seems to rear an ugly side of me. Simply for the fact that there is little to go around. I am not alone in my hardship at this time, much of America is out of work or surviving on substantially less than in previous years. I take it personally though. I am a hard-worker. I am a mother raising two kiddos and I need to provide for them. I want to give them more than I received and at this time it is difficult. I stretch money better than I thought was possible and appreciate the lessons of management I am learning. I hope to jump this hurdle, hold on to the lessons and not enter this zone again down the road.
I am able to substitute teach some since school is back in session and that helps a great deal. I also do photography engagements, in-store event auditing, and the occasional craft order. If something else comes along that I am suited for that will yield a profit I jump on it and get to work.
Saving money is difficult now because there is barely enough for the things that must be paid. I know once I am able to work regularly I will save because I know the feeling of being empty in the bank. I took so much for granted before I lost my job. There was never a worry of paying a bill on time. No need to balance anything before deciding where to eat and now things are different. I cook mostly and when we eat out it is a treasure. We are not frequenting shows and such as much and when we do go everyone is excited.
July----> Language
July --->Language
*Study either Spanish or Italian each day for at least fifteen minutes
*Incorporate language more in my daily life
Oh Boy! I flopped big time in this department :( I must and absolutely must start studying Italian again. I did travel in July which by virtue of necessary conversation and survival I learned some French and quickly learned I cannot speak Spain Spanish due to the thick lisp. I just was unable to decipher much of anything and we became the tourist who asks for the translated menu. But in France we got along pretty well and I am certain it is because I did not know much of any French thus not assuming I understood when people spoke.
But I love Italian, I love the sound, I love the way words are written and when we go to Italy I want to speak Italian. I want to read the menus and venue information and understand.
*Study either Spanish or Italian each day for at least fifteen minutes
*Incorporate language more in my daily life
Oh Boy! I flopped big time in this department :( I must and absolutely must start studying Italian again. I did travel in July which by virtue of necessary conversation and survival I learned some French and quickly learned I cannot speak Spain Spanish due to the thick lisp. I just was unable to decipher much of anything and we became the tourist who asks for the translated menu. But in France we got along pretty well and I am certain it is because I did not know much of any French thus not assuming I understood when people spoke.
But I love Italian, I love the sound, I love the way words are written and when we go to Italy I want to speak Italian. I want to read the menus and venue information and understand.
June----> Travel
June --->Travel
*Embrace traveling and see Spain
*Travel with purpose - never forget that it is a journey and an observation
To travel is living. I absolutely love to travel. Even when the trip seems less than pleasant I'd still rather be traveling. I feel the most me when I travel (whatever that actually means) and I feel free. My desire is equivalent to my need for oxygen. My body breaks down during a dormant period and I become antsy and aggravating and unpleasant to be around. I know this happens and thus I try my darndest to travel when I can.
I am an avid travel photographer and spend most of my time in another place behind the camera. But I always take moments to not photograph certain things and just observe with every fiber of my being that I can muster where I am, the smells and sounds, the colors, the shapes, the language. I try at best to embrace the environment and feel the pulse of the area. Every city has a distinct pulse and I want to define my map in such a way. For instance, New York City is a magical city, the awe-inspiring bustle and character seduce you and you fall madly in love; Chicago is a green city, a place of amazing architecture in substance but to me lacking in the love buzz that New York releases; Los Angeles is a city of dreams and all things West, in LA you can enter the fantasyland of Hollywood and Beverly Hills and take a drive down to Huntington Beach all in the course of a day; New Orleans is a city of home, you are welcome whenever and for as long as you please, there is always an extra bowl of gumbo and a cold beer waiting, the trolleys will welcome you to cruise beautifully oak lined streets from multi-million dollar homes to project ridden areas and all the way to the Riverfront, you will always have NOLA in your heart; I want to know what cities are like all around the world.
In June I did not travel to Spain but in July I did and I loved the experience. I also went to Paris. Douglas and I landed in Paris on Bastille Day and stayed for 7 nights at an amazing apartment we rented on HomeAway.com. We relished in the sights of Paris. We walked the streets til we were so tired we nearly collapsed to sleep at night. We would wake early and select a new arrondissement to explore. We took the train to Versailles and for one magical day we were exported to heaven. We laid on the lawn near the canal and succumbed to the ecstasy of the sight before us. The Palace was breathtaking, the gardens immaculate and the weather impeccable.
We continued our amazing trip in Spain. We stayed in Madrid for six nights and explored the city. We took a train further north one morning to El Escorial and toured the monastery. Spain was unexpected. I loved the safety and vibrancy of the city but I missed the fulfillment of life I felt in Paris. We braved the masses and attended a BullFight and though the evident massacre of the animal was more than I wanted to see, it was amazing to be a part of the culture. To see the enthusiastic audience cheer and shout for the town favorite was an enjoyable spectacle. We returned home as different people. People who are more accepting of others and cultural traditions. We returned wanting more.
To view images from our trip visit my 365 project :)
http://365project.org/alinataylor/365/2010-09-05
*Embrace traveling and see Spain
*Travel with purpose - never forget that it is a journey and an observation
To travel is living. I absolutely love to travel. Even when the trip seems less than pleasant I'd still rather be traveling. I feel the most me when I travel (whatever that actually means) and I feel free. My desire is equivalent to my need for oxygen. My body breaks down during a dormant period and I become antsy and aggravating and unpleasant to be around. I know this happens and thus I try my darndest to travel when I can.
I am an avid travel photographer and spend most of my time in another place behind the camera. But I always take moments to not photograph certain things and just observe with every fiber of my being that I can muster where I am, the smells and sounds, the colors, the shapes, the language. I try at best to embrace the environment and feel the pulse of the area. Every city has a distinct pulse and I want to define my map in such a way. For instance, New York City is a magical city, the awe-inspiring bustle and character seduce you and you fall madly in love; Chicago is a green city, a place of amazing architecture in substance but to me lacking in the love buzz that New York releases; Los Angeles is a city of dreams and all things West, in LA you can enter the fantasyland of Hollywood and Beverly Hills and take a drive down to Huntington Beach all in the course of a day; New Orleans is a city of home, you are welcome whenever and for as long as you please, there is always an extra bowl of gumbo and a cold beer waiting, the trolleys will welcome you to cruise beautifully oak lined streets from multi-million dollar homes to project ridden areas and all the way to the Riverfront, you will always have NOLA in your heart; I want to know what cities are like all around the world.
In June I did not travel to Spain but in July I did and I loved the experience. I also went to Paris. Douglas and I landed in Paris on Bastille Day and stayed for 7 nights at an amazing apartment we rented on HomeAway.com. We relished in the sights of Paris. We walked the streets til we were so tired we nearly collapsed to sleep at night. We would wake early and select a new arrondissement to explore. We took the train to Versailles and for one magical day we were exported to heaven. We laid on the lawn near the canal and succumbed to the ecstasy of the sight before us. The Palace was breathtaking, the gardens immaculate and the weather impeccable.
We continued our amazing trip in Spain. We stayed in Madrid for six nights and explored the city. We took a train further north one morning to El Escorial and toured the monastery. Spain was unexpected. I loved the safety and vibrancy of the city but I missed the fulfillment of life I felt in Paris. We braved the masses and attended a BullFight and though the evident massacre of the animal was more than I wanted to see, it was amazing to be a part of the culture. To see the enthusiastic audience cheer and shout for the town favorite was an enjoyable spectacle. We returned home as different people. People who are more accepting of others and cultural traditions. We returned wanting more.
To view images from our trip visit my 365 project :)
http://365project.org/alinataylor/365/2010-09-05
Sunday, September 12, 2010
May----> Organization
May --->Organization
*Clear out physical, emotional and mental clutter
*Create space
*Have one empty shelf
Clearing out physical clutter "can" be easy and is much simpler to deal with than the emotional and mental crap we carry around day after day, year after year. I live in a limited space world. I have less than 800 sq ft of living space and two kids. We always seem to have more crap than we need and there are books and paper all over the place. I will not part with the books! I keep trying to devise a wall to maintain the chaos that ensues with books littering even the tiniest of tables but ultimately I think I will need bookshelves lining all walls and only then where there be a place for all the books. I failed at my attempt to have an empty shelf. Unless of course the tiny miniature shelf that tops of my key hook counts? If so, I have a clear shelf :)
Creating space in my heart and mind and literally my lungs is vital. I am constantly shuffling my cranium files to store the best new book I am reading, or to shift through the strange acts of my teenager [OMG I have a teenager- like full-fledged teen], correcting my little girl without tramping her spirit and imagination, or listening to the internal conversation that is taking place so I don't instantly eat my words once uttered in conversation with loved ones. Seriously, there is lots going on there. And thus necessary to do a clean sweep. I am allowing myself not to brood and to brood when needed and necessary. There are times when it is refreshing to climb in bed with Ben & Jerry and cry my eyes out while watching TLC. But I also need to get up and stretch and raise my heart rate because working out feels great too.
For me, organization is a balancing act. Taken too far and I am seen as controlling and OCD but not taken serious enough and I am out of control and a slob. Thus, the quest for balance continues. I must admit clean counters and the smell of a clean home makes me happy :)
*Clear out physical, emotional and mental clutter
*Create space
*Have one empty shelf
Clearing out physical clutter "can" be easy and is much simpler to deal with than the emotional and mental crap we carry around day after day, year after year. I live in a limited space world. I have less than 800 sq ft of living space and two kids. We always seem to have more crap than we need and there are books and paper all over the place. I will not part with the books! I keep trying to devise a wall to maintain the chaos that ensues with books littering even the tiniest of tables but ultimately I think I will need bookshelves lining all walls and only then where there be a place for all the books. I failed at my attempt to have an empty shelf. Unless of course the tiny miniature shelf that tops of my key hook counts? If so, I have a clear shelf :)
Creating space in my heart and mind and literally my lungs is vital. I am constantly shuffling my cranium files to store the best new book I am reading, or to shift through the strange acts of my teenager [OMG I have a teenager- like full-fledged teen], correcting my little girl without tramping her spirit and imagination, or listening to the internal conversation that is taking place so I don't instantly eat my words once uttered in conversation with loved ones. Seriously, there is lots going on there. And thus necessary to do a clean sweep. I am allowing myself not to brood and to brood when needed and necessary. There are times when it is refreshing to climb in bed with Ben & Jerry and cry my eyes out while watching TLC. But I also need to get up and stretch and raise my heart rate because working out feels great too.
For me, organization is a balancing act. Taken too far and I am seen as controlling and OCD but not taken serious enough and I am out of control and a slob. Thus, the quest for balance continues. I must admit clean counters and the smell of a clean home makes me happy :)
Dropped the ball, BIG TIME
Okay, this is an attempt at a peace offering with myself. I totally dropped the ball on my blog and my dedication. I do not want to look back at this project and see it as something that I failed at or gave up on. So, I am catching up with myself. And I am going to keep going. There are a few months left in the year and albeit there are things for me to do and say! Mostly, I am returning to the blog because I confessed that I stopped writing and the woman I was speaking with said, "Oh, so you must be happy then", ummm well, not exactly but I do feel I am getting a better handle on things. We shall see.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Getting My Education In Order {Sigh}
April --->Education
*Make a plan
*Study and be persistent
*Make a decision about graduate school
First thing I need to do is make a plan. Second, I need to assess the practicality in taking the Praxis exam. Third, interview with Louisiana Teaching Fellows and see where that leads. Third, make a decision about graduate school and schedule GRE if applying. And fourth, be persistent and open to opportunity.
*Make a plan
*Study and be persistent
*Make a decision about graduate school
First thing I need to do is make a plan. Second, I need to assess the practicality in taking the Praxis exam. Third, interview with Louisiana Teaching Fellows and see where that leads. Third, make a decision about graduate school and schedule GRE if applying. And fourth, be persistent and open to opportunity.
End of March
This is the 94th day of My Happiness Project and I am happier. But the main thing I am is present in my life. It is so easy to find yourself in the ever constant Groundhog Day where today is the same as yesterday and tomorrow will be too. This isn't entirely true because we are not clones and many variables of everyday life are beyond our control. However, we can control our approach to the days we have in this world, we can control our attitude, our mindset, our outlook and our well-being. Sounds funny to say that I didn't quite grasp this as fully 94 days ago. But that is true.
March was my parenting month. Instead of implementing new systems (I did that in January to help with grounding my attitude), or reading the new parenting books I purchased on Amazon, I just listened and spent time with my kids. I am continually working on my approach with my soon-to-be teen when it comes to conversing. I've realized that I still need to congratulate him on his triumphs and console him in his defeats. He may be a big boy (taller than me too) but he is only 12 and needs his mom. There are some deadlines that I must make but most days I can shift my work to watch Where The Wild Things Are with Bai, and again the next day because she loved it so much. We can go get snoballs just because we want to and when they want cinnamon rolls for dinner that is fine too (of course not everyday). I guess the main thing I learned is how quickly time passes. In ten years I don't want to look back and wish I'd attended Field Day or helped with a project. I want to look back and know I did the best I could.
March was my parenting month. Instead of implementing new systems (I did that in January to help with grounding my attitude), or reading the new parenting books I purchased on Amazon, I just listened and spent time with my kids. I am continually working on my approach with my soon-to-be teen when it comes to conversing. I've realized that I still need to congratulate him on his triumphs and console him in his defeats. He may be a big boy (taller than me too) but he is only 12 and needs his mom. There are some deadlines that I must make but most days I can shift my work to watch Where The Wild Things Are with Bai, and again the next day because she loved it so much. We can go get snoballs just because we want to and when they want cinnamon rolls for dinner that is fine too (of course not everyday). I guess the main thing I learned is how quickly time passes. In ten years I don't want to look back and wish I'd attended Field Day or helped with a project. I want to look back and know I did the best I could.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Yep. I missed some posts.
It is the last day of March. What a crazy month. I can ramble off lists of things I did and activities I did with the kids but it really just seems like a blur in my mind. It happens so fast. It will be April tomorrow (April Fools Day at that) and I will be one month closer to being the mother of a teenager. Amazing how time just keeps going.
Not only did I blog less in March but I was on the computer less. I spent more time participating in something parent-like, playing dice with Bailey (we shake the dice and keep score. She thinks it is an amazing game), watching a kid movie or two, and just trying not to stress so much. It works. If Mama's happy so is everybody else, well within reason. Bash would probably be happier if he had a laptop and Bailey wants something different all the time but those are just items which will temporarily make them happy not provide bliss.
I've learned that reacting is the worst type of parenting I can offer my children. I do not need to argue with them. I am the parent. I say my piece and then walk away. This is amazingly effective. Also, nurturing will get me far. So many times a gentle voice is needed and a hug. I am trying and conscious and applying myself to be a better parent and I hope that it works. I know my kids are good. I know they are a handful and I know by many standards they are spoiled but they will always and forever be mine to love and I am thankful.
Not only did I blog less in March but I was on the computer less. I spent more time participating in something parent-like, playing dice with Bailey (we shake the dice and keep score. She thinks it is an amazing game), watching a kid movie or two, and just trying not to stress so much. It works. If Mama's happy so is everybody else, well within reason. Bash would probably be happier if he had a laptop and Bailey wants something different all the time but those are just items which will temporarily make them happy not provide bliss.
I've learned that reacting is the worst type of parenting I can offer my children. I do not need to argue with them. I am the parent. I say my piece and then walk away. This is amazingly effective. Also, nurturing will get me far. So many times a gentle voice is needed and a hug. I am trying and conscious and applying myself to be a better parent and I hope that it works. I know my kids are good. I know they are a handful and I know by many standards they are spoiled but they will always and forever be mine to love and I am thankful.
Monday, March 8, 2010
March - Parenting a.k.a. The care and feeding of lifeforms that possess all your best and not so best qualities
So, it is March, the Parenting month [yikes]
I feel inadequate to write anything on parenting but since I am merely charting my progress it is okay. I definitely am in no position of authority to shell out advice. The main thing I want out of this resolution is a reality check. A reality check in the sense that I am maximizing my parenting, participating as genuinely and constantly and with joy and conviction. I want to methodically approach parenting.
In January, I learned that my attitude needed some TLC and I am a work in progress. The best thing I've learned from my resolutions thus far is that I am in control. It is easier to say what I want and will tolerate (not scream it, not yell it, not sarcastically remark it) and then and only then walk away. Stand firm in my views and hold my children accountable. Do we squabble? Do I raise my voice? Do we annoy one another in our cozy 700 square feet that we share? Do I want breaks? Do they want breaks? Do we love one another? Are we kind to one another? Do we help one another????? Of course we do. We do all these things and more. We are human and constantly progressing and becoming comfortable and confident with the individuals that we are. The greatest gift I can give my children is love. However, there is an equally pertinent gift for survival in the world and that is responsibility. I feel that people must be responsible. Be aware of your actions. Be aware of your presence on this planet. Be aware of your role. Be aware of your surroundings. Be coherent. Be attentive. The world does not revolve around you. For everything you receive from this world you need to pay it back. So many people of my generation feel and believe (I use the term loosely but I must include it because it is what I think) that they are owed something, if not everything. Who is your mama that somebody owes you something? Huh? What makes you so special? Is it because we were raised being told we were special and the world is ours for the taking? Okay, well you are special and that means you should do twice as much work to make an impact because since you are special you can handle more. How's that sound? I want my kids operate this way. I want them to know that they are special, largely in part because they are mine [wink, wink, I am a mama], but more because they are American born kids, born into a life of privilege completely by chance, because they are provided with education aligned with diversity and culture as well as performing arts, and because they are indeed responsible for the world. You may be thinking I should come down off my soapbox and get a hold of myself but I am serious.
I want to successfully bestow in my kids a sense of responsibility that they actively participate in the world by educating themselves, communicating effectively and working diligently with each other, family, friends, teachers, bosses, neighbors, and effectively anyone they meet. I feel like I am on the right track. And with my focus this month on parenting I will have a greater grasp of my accomplishment in a few weeks.
I feel inadequate to write anything on parenting but since I am merely charting my progress it is okay. I definitely am in no position of authority to shell out advice. The main thing I want out of this resolution is a reality check. A reality check in the sense that I am maximizing my parenting, participating as genuinely and constantly and with joy and conviction. I want to methodically approach parenting.
In January, I learned that my attitude needed some TLC and I am a work in progress. The best thing I've learned from my resolutions thus far is that I am in control. It is easier to say what I want and will tolerate (not scream it, not yell it, not sarcastically remark it) and then and only then walk away. Stand firm in my views and hold my children accountable. Do we squabble? Do I raise my voice? Do we annoy one another in our cozy 700 square feet that we share? Do I want breaks? Do they want breaks? Do we love one another? Are we kind to one another? Do we help one another????? Of course we do. We do all these things and more. We are human and constantly progressing and becoming comfortable and confident with the individuals that we are. The greatest gift I can give my children is love. However, there is an equally pertinent gift for survival in the world and that is responsibility. I feel that people must be responsible. Be aware of your actions. Be aware of your presence on this planet. Be aware of your role. Be aware of your surroundings. Be coherent. Be attentive. The world does not revolve around you. For everything you receive from this world you need to pay it back. So many people of my generation feel and believe (I use the term loosely but I must include it because it is what I think) that they are owed something, if not everything. Who is your mama that somebody owes you something? Huh? What makes you so special? Is it because we were raised being told we were special and the world is ours for the taking? Okay, well you are special and that means you should do twice as much work to make an impact because since you are special you can handle more. How's that sound? I want my kids operate this way. I want them to know that they are special, largely in part because they are mine [wink, wink, I am a mama], but more because they are American born kids, born into a life of privilege completely by chance, because they are provided with education aligned with diversity and culture as well as performing arts, and because they are indeed responsible for the world. You may be thinking I should come down off my soapbox and get a hold of myself but I am serious.
I want to successfully bestow in my kids a sense of responsibility that they actively participate in the world by educating themselves, communicating effectively and working diligently with each other, family, friends, teachers, bosses, neighbors, and effectively anyone they meet. I feel like I am on the right track. And with my focus this month on parenting I will have a greater grasp of my accomplishment in a few weeks.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Does it get easier? or more complicated?
So I get it. Okay, nope I don't. But I am starting to think that maybe there isn't anything for me to get. At least the whimsical spirit in me is very convincing that I should just embrace the journey and embrace the road bumps (at times gigantic potholes) as life's little learning treasures and chock it all up to experience gained, my largest life file. Problem is, I do not recall wanting any gained experience in certain areas of my life. I do not want to know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop, the sucker is the best part to me. I don't like the chocolately nougat stuff in the middle all that much. So it is with life sometimes. I don't want to visit stops E, F, I, or Q on my way to stop C. It just seems unfair. Oh where is the mighty server of justice? I know I sound pathetic, but (you knew it was coming) I am a twenty-eight year old American single mom of two attempting to find a passionate route to dreamland(handsome lover included) and amidst all of this I feel like my world is crumbling around me at times, which I will add is pathetic in the grand scheme of the world. My daily strides are not saving the world. I have dreams to save the world (does that count). But even if I am not saving the world, I may just be making it a better place. If I am happy, I am more likely to give and give back to my community which makes our world better. But I am attempting to save just one person. Me. This is critical I realize. If every person of responsible age, say 17, would take charge of their life and be responsible: work with discipline, educate oneself, extend courtesy to others, accept and embrace diversity, appreciate one's environment, promote a worthy character and a sincere compassion for fellow citizens of the planet, the world would be amazing. However, this is not dreamland. People are all competing for the same bigger slice of pie because the one that they currently have isn't large enough. Everyone is working on a personal agenda. More generally speaking, I refer to this as one of my American faults. Part of being American is striving for success and stacking up our little chips until we reach the successful mark that makes us feel accomplished, at which point we will feel happy. Wrong. I know this is wrong but I do it anyway. I tell myself to think differently and I do this anyway. You can fail in America but just make sure you have succeeded and are succeeding when you tell your failure story, or otherwise no one will listen because you won't be special if you aren't successful. The main problem with this isn't that success brings happiness but it is the cup we measure with. How do you measure success and do you measure failure?
My failure measuring cup and my success measuring cup are not equal. It is like walking into William Sonoma and for the first time in your life the sales associate wants to sell you dry measuring cups and wet ones. WTF? That was my thought the first time I heard this. I'd watched grandmothers, my mom, aunts, sisters, and neighbors (sorry no men I see cook measure ) measure things for chocolate chip cookies and elaborate dishes and no one appeared to distinguish between what we were using to measure. But low and behold there is a difference. However, in life we shouldn't weigh these differently, at least I shouldn't. The main reason I shouldn't is because I am unfair to myself. My failure cup seems to be smaller than my success cup. I allow the failures in my life to impact me with more potency than the successes. It feels like failures are concentrates while successes get watered down along the way. When I achieve a goal I am too busy focusing on the next step to appreciate the gratification in the accomplishment. Thus why people preach to enjoy the journey. Because bottom line is the goal, gratifying it may be, is not as rewarding as the discipline in achievement. In an effort to embrace achievements I am personally giving myself actual rewards for my successes. Yes, I am treating myself like an 8 year old with a star chart. I've realized I like recognition and it makes me happier and more productive thus the reward system.
Now that February is over I am looking back to see how I did with my resolutions. Relationships are hard and easy at the same time. It is hard to keep up because I along with everyone else is always busy. We are always busy and always will be. I learned just do it. Visit my grandmother on a Wednesday for a few hours anyway. Whatever it was that I would need to do I will still need to do that afternoon or the next day but the time I spend with her will be more rewarding than a scratch on my todo list. I also learned that I should never assume those I love know how much I love them. That I should tell them and make sure they know because how terrible a thing for someone not to know they are loved. I also learned that my health is my control and my responsibility. I am continuing my January resolutions as well and I'd be lying if I said I didn't lose my temper. I did. But in mid rant I stopped, and walked away. I would never been able to do that in December. I am progressing and that is a great feeling.
My failure measuring cup and my success measuring cup are not equal. It is like walking into William Sonoma and for the first time in your life the sales associate wants to sell you dry measuring cups and wet ones. WTF? That was my thought the first time I heard this. I'd watched grandmothers, my mom, aunts, sisters, and neighbors (sorry no men I see cook measure ) measure things for chocolate chip cookies and elaborate dishes and no one appeared to distinguish between what we were using to measure. But low and behold there is a difference. However, in life we shouldn't weigh these differently, at least I shouldn't. The main reason I shouldn't is because I am unfair to myself. My failure cup seems to be smaller than my success cup. I allow the failures in my life to impact me with more potency than the successes. It feels like failures are concentrates while successes get watered down along the way. When I achieve a goal I am too busy focusing on the next step to appreciate the gratification in the accomplishment. Thus why people preach to enjoy the journey. Because bottom line is the goal, gratifying it may be, is not as rewarding as the discipline in achievement. In an effort to embrace achievements I am personally giving myself actual rewards for my successes. Yes, I am treating myself like an 8 year old with a star chart. I've realized I like recognition and it makes me happier and more productive thus the reward system.
Now that February is over I am looking back to see how I did with my resolutions. Relationships are hard and easy at the same time. It is hard to keep up because I along with everyone else is always busy. We are always busy and always will be. I learned just do it. Visit my grandmother on a Wednesday for a few hours anyway. Whatever it was that I would need to do I will still need to do that afternoon or the next day but the time I spend with her will be more rewarding than a scratch on my todo list. I also learned that I should never assume those I love know how much I love them. That I should tell them and make sure they know because how terrible a thing for someone not to know they are loved. I also learned that my health is my control and my responsibility. I am continuing my January resolutions as well and I'd be lying if I said I didn't lose my temper. I did. But in mid rant I stopped, and walked away. I would never been able to do that in December. I am progressing and that is a great feeling.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
February- Show me some love, please
Okay. I am a day late and more than a few dollars short but here's my entry anyway. I feel like Mother Nature dislikes me very much so. My allergies are worse right now than I ever remember. I can finally successfully breathe through my nose for about eight hours before needing to take some medicine. This is vast improvement from last week and the weekend. The only downside is that when I do finally need to take my medicine, it renders me of any use to anyone or myself. SO, I am trudging on and only taking once a day now to see if I can hold strong. You may be asking why I just rambled about my health for too long focusing on my health is part of February.:) Sadly, although I am not actually sad about, I will fail my attempt to run 1 mile before the end of the month. On a happier note I am still using many of my attitude exercises from January. My favorite attitude move is to keep my mouth shut and walk away. You have no idea how helpful this simple move is and it WORKS!
This week I've been making an effort with my kids. I do not necessarily think that the connections with them are frayed but instead I am approaching it as I do not want those connections to fray. And things are working. It really is true that if we look for the good we find it and vice verse, so, this past week I've been looking for good in each of them and I am finding it.
Just the other night, I was looking for a new book to download to my amazing Nook (thank you sweetheart) and Sebastian came to look with me. So, there we were mother and son searching through Barnes and Noble e-books. I loved it. And interestingly enough before I could state the title of the one I wanted, Sebastian said "I know you want that one on Paris and Love," and he was so correct. It was the exact book I wanted. Those several minutes we spent scrolling the site together were and are very important to me. Bash is growing up. Literally. He has grown three inches since May and seems to be growing more each day. He will be a teenager soon and before I know it he will be a man. I am happy to see him excelling; however, sometimes when I look at him I still get a glimpse of the four year old little boy who loved Monster Trucks more than anything.
This week I've been making an effort with my kids. I do not necessarily think that the connections with them are frayed but instead I am approaching it as I do not want those connections to fray. And things are working. It really is true that if we look for the good we find it and vice verse, so, this past week I've been looking for good in each of them and I am finding it.
Just the other night, I was looking for a new book to download to my amazing Nook (thank you sweetheart) and Sebastian came to look with me. So, there we were mother and son searching through Barnes and Noble e-books. I loved it. And interestingly enough before I could state the title of the one I wanted, Sebastian said "I know you want that one on Paris and Love," and he was so correct. It was the exact book I wanted. Those several minutes we spent scrolling the site together were and are very important to me. Bash is growing up. Literally. He has grown three inches since May and seems to be growing more each day. He will be a teenager soon and before I know it he will be a man. I am happy to see him excelling; however, sometimes when I look at him I still get a glimpse of the four year old little boy who loved Monster Trucks more than anything.
Monday, February 15, 2010
February - Love is in the Air
February is my relationship month. And I want to make clear that I am also examining my relationship with myself. I realize this is an obvious observation since this whole blog is dedicated to the discovery of happiness within myself and in my environment; but I feel it necessary to state that it is important to have a grasp on our relationship with our own self. If we do not trust, love and respect who we are then I truly believe we cannot receive trust, love and respect from others and furthermore, it seems unfair to do so.
So, I am examining the relationships and bonds that are closest to me as well as creating new ones. I made a new friend last week. We met for coffee and chatted and shared business ideas and the differences we face as women in our careers and in our lives. She and I shared traveling memories and stories of Katrina and more. It was a very pleasurable meeting that inspired me. I hope to see her next week at a meeting she invited me to attend.
I love my siblings. I have fond memories with each of them. It often feels hard to get connected. I see other families that have an effortless connection. They meet on one coast for a family vacation or the girls all meet up and share a girls dinner while the guys watch the kiddos and play cards, or families who live near one another and see each other constantly and sisters who share clothes and books and such. I think this is beautiful and I hope and pray that my children are able to capture and maintain a bond that strengthens with love and joy. So, in an effort to let my siblings know I think of them and love them. I emailed or briefly messaged with all but one of them this month thus far. It isn't that there was anything profound to say and I am not interested in debating the past or discussing what we should of done or should do, but I want them to know I love them and I am proud of them. I have two strong sisters who are very successful in their chosen professions. I have a brother who one of the most talented artists I know and a great Daddy to his little girl and I have one other brother who is doing what he can to discover what he wants in the world through a carefree vagabond lifestyle. I think we are all progressing and that is great to me.
I've realized that I can only control my aspect of the relationship. I cannot place an unfair or unclear expectation onto someone else. I am the commander of me and I can choose what I want in life. I can choose to move forward and make the best of situations. I can choose to embrace love and celebrate my relationships. I can choose to connect consistently with the ones I love. I do not have to have relationships like those of my peers. Their relationships may not work for me. I need to be true to myself and appreciate my connections.
Being true to myself also aligns with taking care of myself. I owe it to me to make me priority. I can set my own pace in life and I am responsible for achieving the most of my days. Productivity in my life starts with yoga. I use yoga to reflect, embrace, let go, push, recharge and relax myself. For me, it is best that I practice at night. I sleep so well and best of all wake up well when I am consistently practicing. When you are feeling well and healthy you change small things, you eat healthier because it continues to make you feel better, you pay attention to your body and are able to maintain ailments better. Even if I can get fifteen minutes of yoga in before settling in for the evening it is worth it. Being me and remembering to enjoy who I am is critical in relationships with myself and others.
And lastly, I celebrated the most amazing Valentine's Day of my life yesterday. Thank you baby.
So, I am examining the relationships and bonds that are closest to me as well as creating new ones. I made a new friend last week. We met for coffee and chatted and shared business ideas and the differences we face as women in our careers and in our lives. She and I shared traveling memories and stories of Katrina and more. It was a very pleasurable meeting that inspired me. I hope to see her next week at a meeting she invited me to attend.
I love my siblings. I have fond memories with each of them. It often feels hard to get connected. I see other families that have an effortless connection. They meet on one coast for a family vacation or the girls all meet up and share a girls dinner while the guys watch the kiddos and play cards, or families who live near one another and see each other constantly and sisters who share clothes and books and such. I think this is beautiful and I hope and pray that my children are able to capture and maintain a bond that strengthens with love and joy. So, in an effort to let my siblings know I think of them and love them. I emailed or briefly messaged with all but one of them this month thus far. It isn't that there was anything profound to say and I am not interested in debating the past or discussing what we should of done or should do, but I want them to know I love them and I am proud of them. I have two strong sisters who are very successful in their chosen professions. I have a brother who one of the most talented artists I know and a great Daddy to his little girl and I have one other brother who is doing what he can to discover what he wants in the world through a carefree vagabond lifestyle. I think we are all progressing and that is great to me.
I've realized that I can only control my aspect of the relationship. I cannot place an unfair or unclear expectation onto someone else. I am the commander of me and I can choose what I want in life. I can choose to move forward and make the best of situations. I can choose to embrace love and celebrate my relationships. I can choose to connect consistently with the ones I love. I do not have to have relationships like those of my peers. Their relationships may not work for me. I need to be true to myself and appreciate my connections.
Being true to myself also aligns with taking care of myself. I owe it to me to make me priority. I can set my own pace in life and I am responsible for achieving the most of my days. Productivity in my life starts with yoga. I use yoga to reflect, embrace, let go, push, recharge and relax myself. For me, it is best that I practice at night. I sleep so well and best of all wake up well when I am consistently practicing. When you are feeling well and healthy you change small things, you eat healthier because it continues to make you feel better, you pay attention to your body and are able to maintain ailments better. Even if I can get fifteen minutes of yoga in before settling in for the evening it is worth it. Being me and remembering to enjoy who I am is critical in relationships with myself and others.
And lastly, I celebrated the most amazing Valentine's Day of my life yesterday. Thank you baby.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Snowmagedon will make you smile
So I realize it is Friday and I typically post on Mondays, but this is a happiness emergency! Snowmagedon has reached the South, I'd like to call it Baby Sneauxmagedon, and the kids are off school for a real SNEAUX day! Usually the snow days drive me insane because of the obvious, it never actually snows at our place and it either rains or is the brightest day you've seen in weeks, but today is different. Today, we woke up and there were and still are huge snow flurries falling and everything looks like a freshly dusted beignet.
It is great. We went outside, the kids played together. Sebastian taught Bai how to properly make a snowball. Bash attempted to slide on the snow in the grass like you do at the beach, and it was so pleasurable. And now, I am making cinnamon rolls that are smelling delicious and warming the house. Snow really does bring out the kid in you. And what makes you happier than remembering how carefree you played as a kid.
You may be thinking, this girl will have a great day. Here is my only problem.... I am almost out of Diet Coke.
It is great. We went outside, the kids played together. Sebastian taught Bai how to properly make a snowball. Bash attempted to slide on the snow in the grass like you do at the beach, and it was so pleasurable. And now, I am making cinnamon rolls that are smelling delicious and warming the house. Snow really does bring out the kid in you. And what makes you happier than remembering how carefree you played as a kid.
You may be thinking, this girl will have a great day. Here is my only problem.... I am almost out of Diet Coke.
Monday, February 8, 2010
February - The Ties That Bind
FIRST OFF!!!! Who DAT!!! Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints and all who Believe!Relationships are the center of February with Valentine's Day falling in the middle of the month and are the focus of my February resolutions. I am a work in progress. Waking with the proper attitude is beneficial and critical to completing any of my other resolutions. Being the stronger/bigger person in a difficult situation or confrontation is not easy but it is rewarding. I feel good at the end of those days that I do not lose my temper. I feel more zen-like and my health benefits directly.
I am reaching out to loved ones and friends this month and it is in no profound way even at the least a simple two line email saying hello. Life is short and often the tiffs we have in life with those we care deepest about are no longer important or were so silly and small in the beginning we were just to full of ourselves to realize at the time. While there are so many things in life that we cannot control, we can control our actions. We can show love to those who are important to us. And we must practice this affirmation in our relationships because we can never count on our tomorrow and we should never put off what can be done or said today.
Continued focus on my health feels great. I feel better. Reminding myself to do yoga and taking the time to enjoy the breathing and the stretches is so relaxing.
Monday, February 1, 2010
February Focus Areas
February --->Strength and Relationship (and strengthen relationships)
*Make an effort with important connections that are frayed
*Focus on my health and strength (be able to run 1 mile and still breathe)
*Acts of love (so those I love see my actions and intentions of my heart)
*Make an effort with important connections that are frayed
*Focus on my health and strength (be able to run 1 mile and still breathe)
*Acts of love (so those I love see my actions and intentions of my heart)
Jan - Attitude (still a work in progress)
January is officially over and my attitude resolution is a work in progress. I am pleased with my choice to focus on attitude first in my project. Doing things "with a good attitude" or waking up "with a good attitude" is not as easy as it seems. This month I evaluated many areas of my life that impact my attitude. Coincidentally, most of the areas are individual focus areas on my year list. So, at least I know where to look to address my less than perfect qualities.
I learned that being happy with me and having a good attitude toward myself is the most important step. How can I expect someone to be nice to me if I am not nice to myself? I cannot. But having a good attitude with myself and toward myself are different. I know now that I can be me. I can be just that. There is no need to compete with the image I think I should be when being the me that I am is enough. I am loved and am loved because of the unique and individual person I am. If I am uncomfortable with a trait I have or a personality flaw that I dislike, I can change it. But the flipside is that I can keep all that I love too. I am learning to be more comfortable in my own skin and just be me.
Raising my energy level this month was really nice because I walked the lakes or did yoga. I truly love how I feel after walking the lakes and I promise myself to make more time for walks. The cold weather and sinus troubles of the past few weeks did little for my energy level but I realized sometimes life settles us down and we should embrace that too. One night I was feeling under the weather so I made popcorn and we watched a movie. Bai thought it was amazing and I was able to relax. Another time when I didn't feel well we slept in and then started our day. And all was right with the world and life went on.
As I move into February, I will focus on relationships, the ties that bind, and acts of love. Seems like a great place to be since Valentine's Day is there to remind me of my focus.
I learned that being happy with me and having a good attitude toward myself is the most important step. How can I expect someone to be nice to me if I am not nice to myself? I cannot. But having a good attitude with myself and toward myself are different. I know now that I can be me. I can be just that. There is no need to compete with the image I think I should be when being the me that I am is enough. I am loved and am loved because of the unique and individual person I am. If I am uncomfortable with a trait I have or a personality flaw that I dislike, I can change it. But the flipside is that I can keep all that I love too. I am learning to be more comfortable in my own skin and just be me.
Raising my energy level this month was really nice because I walked the lakes or did yoga. I truly love how I feel after walking the lakes and I promise myself to make more time for walks. The cold weather and sinus troubles of the past few weeks did little for my energy level but I realized sometimes life settles us down and we should embrace that too. One night I was feeling under the weather so I made popcorn and we watched a movie. Bai thought it was amazing and I was able to relax. Another time when I didn't feel well we slept in and then started our day. And all was right with the world and life went on.
As I move into February, I will focus on relationships, the ties that bind, and acts of love. Seems like a great place to be since Valentine's Day is there to remind me of my focus.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Jan- Is the road to Hell paved with the best intentions?
I must admit that my attitude stinks lately. I mean if you've seen me, talked with me or emailed me, I was most likely somewhat civil and at the least attempting to maintain a cheery disposition, but I really don't feel like all this positive attitude stuff I am doing is lasting. I am taking alternate measures. I am utilizing resources as well as the tried and true notion of "do unto others as you'd have done to you." So, I am projecting a positive and happy mood to the utmost of my ability and I feel like I am crashing into a rock at times.
This past week I booked an appointment at Bumble Lane and enjoyed two hours of bliss. I truly was in a better mood and my attitude reflected such. Frankly, I was so relaxed that very little bothered me, if anything. Also moving with my attitude focus and improving the way I feel I continued exercising and was active a few days this week. I know that from past experience and recent confirmation of this past week that I truly feel better once I get active. And for the record, when I exercise it is usually walking. :) Getting out in nature and taking an hour to reflect on anything I want and attempt to free myself from stress at the moment is very relaxing and rewarding. The reward comes immediately and lasts throughout the day. I tend to also sleep better on days I exercise and eat right, go figure.
For the past 22 days my attitude among so many other things in my life have been analyzed by me and not with the greatest joy. It is hard to see our own faults. I am amazed at how easily I can see what I dislike in others yet, I am quick to defend the same qualities or characteristics in myself. Self-acceptance, self-discipline and self-awareness are extremely hard for me. I learned just how stubborn I can be at times. However, I am grateful. Grateful that even through the difficulty of this exercise, I am able to see hope. I can see a day where I am the joyful person I want to be. I can see a day that those around me are smiling. I can see a day when it is second nature to put on some sneakers and walk outside. I can see this because it is reality.
This morning proved a test of my attitude. The Saints are playing in the Super Bowl! Many Louisianians would say that is all you need to have a good attitude, be happy for life because Black and Gold are in the Super Bowl. But, my happiness does not rest on the fate of a football team. And that is a good thing. But the Championship game last night was intense all the way to Sudden Death Overtime. And in the end the boys did it. The Saints won the game! And I was so happy. Truly happy.
I thought of my Step-dad many times through this season. He was the biggest Saints fan I will ever know. He loved everything about the Saints and was proud even when they were less than mediocre. Thinking of him and the Saints reminded me of a particular game day party we had growing up and how fun that one had been with all my parents friends. My Step-dad passed away several years ago and will not see this game but just knowing they made it and how much he cared for them made me happy. With all the hype and heavy food and nice company of last night's game watching party I woke exhausted when the alarm buzzed. I did not feel like rushing so I went ask Bash if he had something due first period. When he said no I told him we can all sleep and extra hour then go to school. It was so great. An hour later we all woke up happy and refreshed as can be expected. Before I would have woken up and grumpily rushed everyone. But why? Life is too short to rush. And my attitude is better when I am at my own pace.
This past week I booked an appointment at Bumble Lane and enjoyed two hours of bliss. I truly was in a better mood and my attitude reflected such. Frankly, I was so relaxed that very little bothered me, if anything. Also moving with my attitude focus and improving the way I feel I continued exercising and was active a few days this week. I know that from past experience and recent confirmation of this past week that I truly feel better once I get active. And for the record, when I exercise it is usually walking. :) Getting out in nature and taking an hour to reflect on anything I want and attempt to free myself from stress at the moment is very relaxing and rewarding. The reward comes immediately and lasts throughout the day. I tend to also sleep better on days I exercise and eat right, go figure.
For the past 22 days my attitude among so many other things in my life have been analyzed by me and not with the greatest joy. It is hard to see our own faults. I am amazed at how easily I can see what I dislike in others yet, I am quick to defend the same qualities or characteristics in myself. Self-acceptance, self-discipline and self-awareness are extremely hard for me. I learned just how stubborn I can be at times. However, I am grateful. Grateful that even through the difficulty of this exercise, I am able to see hope. I can see a day where I am the joyful person I want to be. I can see a day that those around me are smiling. I can see a day when it is second nature to put on some sneakers and walk outside. I can see this because it is reality.
This morning proved a test of my attitude. The Saints are playing in the Super Bowl! Many Louisianians would say that is all you need to have a good attitude, be happy for life because Black and Gold are in the Super Bowl. But, my happiness does not rest on the fate of a football team. And that is a good thing. But the Championship game last night was intense all the way to Sudden Death Overtime. And in the end the boys did it. The Saints won the game! And I was so happy. Truly happy.
I thought of my Step-dad many times through this season. He was the biggest Saints fan I will ever know. He loved everything about the Saints and was proud even when they were less than mediocre. Thinking of him and the Saints reminded me of a particular game day party we had growing up and how fun that one had been with all my parents friends. My Step-dad passed away several years ago and will not see this game but just knowing they made it and how much he cared for them made me happy. With all the hype and heavy food and nice company of last night's game watching party I woke exhausted when the alarm buzzed. I did not feel like rushing so I went ask Bash if he had something due first period. When he said no I told him we can all sleep and extra hour then go to school. It was so great. An hour later we all woke up happy and refreshed as can be expected. Before I would have woken up and grumpily rushed everyone. But why? Life is too short to rush. And my attitude is better when I am at my own pace.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Jan - A Mid-week Revelation
Ok, I realize that perhaps other people have a moment that ticks in their head and all of a sudden you are like "uh huh!" And seriously, I mean this with enthusiasm. Well, today this revelation is minor but packs a giant punch.
...such a great moment in one's life is the moment that you realize you are small and the world is big. And to translate to one's life further, it is a magnitude of small daily and almost religiously performed tasks that makes one's life grand. It is the moment that took a second that truly takes your breath away.
I will strive to remember small things. Small minuscule details that are the thread in the fabric of life. Remembering that a friend enjoys two lemons in her tea, my grandmothers' birthdays, sending a thank you note, pausing to let someone cross the street, stooping to pickup something that was dropped in a rush, stop rushing, smile, not frown, pick up the check, say hello and wish for a happy day.
Contributing to the happiness of others is an instant mood booster. It is truly through being of service and an advocate for others that we can find our greatest moments of joy.
...such a great moment in one's life is the moment that you realize you are small and the world is big. And to translate to one's life further, it is a magnitude of small daily and almost religiously performed tasks that makes one's life grand. It is the moment that took a second that truly takes your breath away.
I will strive to remember small things. Small minuscule details that are the thread in the fabric of life. Remembering that a friend enjoys two lemons in her tea, my grandmothers' birthdays, sending a thank you note, pausing to let someone cross the street, stooping to pickup something that was dropped in a rush, stop rushing, smile, not frown, pick up the check, say hello and wish for a happy day.
Contributing to the happiness of others is an instant mood booster. It is truly through being of service and an advocate for others that we can find our greatest moments of joy.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Jan - My attitude is a work in progress...
Okay, so if I can laugh at myself that means life ain't too bad. At least laughing makes life more fun, even if you are laughing at yourself. I have innate ability to laugh at myself over all sorts of actions and things I say. It is an understatement to say, "I crack myself up." Because literally I do. I can be alone at home cleaning and for example turn the wrong way in a place I have lived for over a year and no walls have changed position and smack right into a door jamb as if it just appeared out of thin air. The best is when my son sees me do such a thing because he gets great joy and laughter out of it. I wonder if other people run into walls? I am declaring that if you have ran into a wall and you were completely sober, it means you were having a brilliant thought.
I would like to believe my loves in my life have noticed a happier more better 'attituded' Alina amongst them this past week. Even an Alina with a better attitude than the week before. I think there are moments when this is possibly the case but I certainly don't think I have moved earth with my attitude shift. Which makes me happy. Maybe sometimes all people need for a better attitude is will and possibly a 32 ounce Attitude Adjustment from Spanky's. I will skip the later part of that statement and stick with the personal attitude because honestly daiquiris give me headaches and usually hurt my stomach too.
So much can change in a person's attitude through the course of seven days. I like to think of our personal attitudes on an attitude wheel like a color wheel and with the thrust of a good spin we can be circling out of whack in no time. Being conscious of my attitude has not lessened my spins on the wheel but it has made me aware that I can spin again. And so can you. It is my life so if the situation and attitude combination I find myself in at the moment is less than desirable or at the very least if my attitude is not enhancing my quality of life I can change it. Yes, you read correctly. I can change it. I can make a new path. So this week, I started walking again. I love the LSU lakes and it is a great joy that they are practically in my backyard and on the way home from Bai's school in the mornings. So, when I can I am making time to stop for an hour walk. This time is beautiful to me. I just love the view and I am recharged through the exercise.
I made a dear friend last year and she returned to Louisiana just last week so we had a girl gab session to catch up and of course we are having another one this week because she can talk as much as me which is phenomenal. I admire her. I think she is charismatic and witty and in my honest opinion she has an incredible life. She is a world traveler and she is able to work and play exactly how she dreams. We have many common interests and can converse about anything from culture to language to photographs, you name it and we can have a conversation about it - except like naming political figures because neither of us has much zest for memorizing such facts. She is always upbeat when I see her. Even when her circumstance is less than comfortable she seems to be in a good mood which makes me in a good mood.
Since, I'd started the project while she was gone I explained to her what I was doing and she related to much of my resolutions and personal qualms and areas of focus. And once she connected with me on a few areas of focus (I refrain from using the word issues when speaking of myself, makes me feel broken) I was recharged to keep with my project objective. Her interest and support in the project meant more to me than I realized. In fact, when someone is interested it boosts me to another level. From the start of the project Douglas has offered continued support and the other day an email from my Aunt made my day and when someone tells me they read my blog I am happy. It is extremely uplifting to feel supported and it definitely boosts my attitude.
A friend made this reply when we were talking about happiness, "I don't have money and people assume I do because I travel to various places several times a year, but what they don't realize is I live modestly, I eat at home, I ride a bicycle, I am conservative when making luxury and frivolous purchases and I am happy with my choices because they contribute to the life I want." When she said this to me I thought, that is what I want. To be happy with the choices I make daily and to have my daily choices reflect my life.
I would like to believe my loves in my life have noticed a happier more better 'attituded' Alina amongst them this past week. Even an Alina with a better attitude than the week before. I think there are moments when this is possibly the case but I certainly don't think I have moved earth with my attitude shift. Which makes me happy. Maybe sometimes all people need for a better attitude is will and possibly a 32 ounce Attitude Adjustment from Spanky's. I will skip the later part of that statement and stick with the personal attitude because honestly daiquiris give me headaches and usually hurt my stomach too.
So much can change in a person's attitude through the course of seven days. I like to think of our personal attitudes on an attitude wheel like a color wheel and with the thrust of a good spin we can be circling out of whack in no time. Being conscious of my attitude has not lessened my spins on the wheel but it has made me aware that I can spin again. And so can you. It is my life so if the situation and attitude combination I find myself in at the moment is less than desirable or at the very least if my attitude is not enhancing my quality of life I can change it. Yes, you read correctly. I can change it. I can make a new path. So this week, I started walking again. I love the LSU lakes and it is a great joy that they are practically in my backyard and on the way home from Bai's school in the mornings. So, when I can I am making time to stop for an hour walk. This time is beautiful to me. I just love the view and I am recharged through the exercise.
I made a dear friend last year and she returned to Louisiana just last week so we had a girl gab session to catch up and of course we are having another one this week because she can talk as much as me which is phenomenal. I admire her. I think she is charismatic and witty and in my honest opinion she has an incredible life. She is a world traveler and she is able to work and play exactly how she dreams. We have many common interests and can converse about anything from culture to language to photographs, you name it and we can have a conversation about it - except like naming political figures because neither of us has much zest for memorizing such facts. She is always upbeat when I see her. Even when her circumstance is less than comfortable she seems to be in a good mood which makes me in a good mood.
Since, I'd started the project while she was gone I explained to her what I was doing and she related to much of my resolutions and personal qualms and areas of focus. And once she connected with me on a few areas of focus (I refrain from using the word issues when speaking of myself, makes me feel broken) I was recharged to keep with my project objective. Her interest and support in the project meant more to me than I realized. In fact, when someone is interested it boosts me to another level. From the start of the project Douglas has offered continued support and the other day an email from my Aunt made my day and when someone tells me they read my blog I am happy. It is extremely uplifting to feel supported and it definitely boosts my attitude.
A friend made this reply when we were talking about happiness, "I don't have money and people assume I do because I travel to various places several times a year, but what they don't realize is I live modestly, I eat at home, I ride a bicycle, I am conservative when making luxury and frivolous purchases and I am happy with my choices because they contribute to the life I want." When she said this to me I thought, that is what I want. To be happy with the choices I make daily and to have my daily choices reflect my life.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Jan - Attitude
Having a good attitude is much easier a statement to make than an action. I realize how many times I literally say to my children "you should have a good attitude" or "act happy" or "be nice" or "only say something nice". UGH! I annoy myself. Of course, I did not realize I was such a nag but so many times when I said such a phrase I myself was not "having a good attitude."
This past week, I remained constantly aware of my step for January. I say to myself each morning (and approximately 149 times per day) to keep a good attitude today and not let others actions reflect within my mood. Now, I must make clear that I am not a saint. So, you can imagine that there were moments and possibly even hours in the past week that I did not keep a good attitude. Some may say that I did not do well with my resolution for last week since I was unable to remain positive. But I disagree. I am grateful that I notice the difference. I also noticed a huge impact my positive attitude can have on those surrounding me. It is easy to nag and be mopey and just blah. BUT, it is not enjoyable. I do not want to be known as the miserable old lady. I want to be the perky, bubbly old lady who isn't afraid to be who she is and enjoy the world.
I also discovered in one short week that being positive makes difficult parenting more bearable. It does not remove one from the tough situation but it most certainly allows the glimmer of hope to shine. I also noticed that if I prolong my annoyance and negative comments the bad behavior or ill temper continues. However, at times when I made my point then relaxed it seemed like the instance subsided quicker.
And though this may not be directly related to my attitude, I discovered another astute point this week. When you decide to change something in your life or better certain avenues, unresolved issues resurface instantly and adversary comes from all manner of directions. This is why I am choosing attitude first in my project. Like Tucker Dupree declares "Anything is possible with the right attitude." I know that this is true. And so my project continues and I am starting a new week and constantly evaluating my attitude.
This past week, I remained constantly aware of my step for January. I say to myself each morning (and approximately 149 times per day) to keep a good attitude today and not let others actions reflect within my mood. Now, I must make clear that I am not a saint. So, you can imagine that there were moments and possibly even hours in the past week that I did not keep a good attitude. Some may say that I did not do well with my resolution for last week since I was unable to remain positive. But I disagree. I am grateful that I notice the difference. I also noticed a huge impact my positive attitude can have on those surrounding me. It is easy to nag and be mopey and just blah. BUT, it is not enjoyable. I do not want to be known as the miserable old lady. I want to be the perky, bubbly old lady who isn't afraid to be who she is and enjoy the world.
I also discovered in one short week that being positive makes difficult parenting more bearable. It does not remove one from the tough situation but it most certainly allows the glimmer of hope to shine. I also noticed that if I prolong my annoyance and negative comments the bad behavior or ill temper continues. However, at times when I made my point then relaxed it seemed like the instance subsided quicker.
And though this may not be directly related to my attitude, I discovered another astute point this week. When you decide to change something in your life or better certain avenues, unresolved issues resurface instantly and adversary comes from all manner of directions. This is why I am choosing attitude first in my project. Like Tucker Dupree declares "Anything is possible with the right attitude." I know that this is true. And so my project continues and I am starting a new week and constantly evaluating my attitude.
My Focus Areas
January --->Attitude
*Project a positive attitude outward and within myself
*Raise energy level
*Be happy in my own skin
February --->Strength and Relationship (and strengthen relationships)
*Make an effort with important connections that are frayed
*Focus on my health and strength (be able to run 1 mile and still breathe)
*Acts of love (so those I love see my actions and intentions of my heart)
March --->Parenting
*Listen
*Be calm
*Focus on positive
April --->Education
*Make a plan
*Study and be persistent
*Make a decision about graduate school
May --->Organization
*Clear out physical, emotional and mental clutter
*Create space
*Have one empty shelf
June --->Travel
*Embrace traveling and see Spain
*Travel with purpose - never forget that it is a journey and an observation
July --->Language
*Study either Spanish or Italian each day for at least fifteen minutes
*Incorporate language more in my daily life
August --->Money
*Make some
*Spend some
*Save some
*Establish a vacation goal with the kids and start a jar
*Evaluate my relationship with money and improve it
September-->Career Exploration
*Dig DEEP!
*Explore my options
*Try something new
*Be true to Alina
October --->Books
*Embrace new books (read something Science Fiction)
*Make a photo book from summer photos
*Seek other books by authors I enjoy
*Reread Jane Austen
November-->Give
*give of my time to the school to help with holiday activities
*give more love to the most important people in my life
*be kind in public and while driving
*keep a gratitude list each day write three things I am grateful for
December-->Appreciation
*Evaluate my happiness.
*Reflect upon my year and appreciate the experience of my project
*Appreciate the season and remember to show the appreciation that I feel
*Be happy being Alina and appreciate the gifts of each day
*Project a positive attitude outward and within myself
*Raise energy level
*Be happy in my own skin
February --->Strength and Relationship (and strengthen relationships)
*Make an effort with important connections that are frayed
*Focus on my health and strength (be able to run 1 mile and still breathe)
*Acts of love (so those I love see my actions and intentions of my heart)
March --->Parenting
*Listen
*Be calm
*Focus on positive
April --->Education
*Make a plan
*Study and be persistent
*Make a decision about graduate school
May --->Organization
*Clear out physical, emotional and mental clutter
*Create space
*Have one empty shelf
June --->Travel
*Embrace traveling and see Spain
*Travel with purpose - never forget that it is a journey and an observation
July --->Language
*Study either Spanish or Italian each day for at least fifteen minutes
*Incorporate language more in my daily life
August --->Money
*Make some
*Spend some
*Save some
*Establish a vacation goal with the kids and start a jar
*Evaluate my relationship with money and improve it
September-->Career Exploration
*Dig DEEP!
*Explore my options
*Try something new
*Be true to Alina
October --->Books
*Embrace new books (read something Science Fiction)
*Make a photo book from summer photos
*Seek other books by authors I enjoy
*Reread Jane Austen
November-->Give
*give of my time to the school to help with holiday activities
*give more love to the most important people in my life
*be kind in public and while driving
*keep a gratitude list each day write three things I am grateful for
December-->Appreciation
*Evaluate my happiness.
*Reflect upon my year and appreciate the experience of my project
*Appreciate the season and remember to show the appreciation that I feel
*Be happy being Alina and appreciate the gifts of each day
Friday, January 8, 2010
My Happiness Project 2010
Taking my cue from Gretchen Rubin's book The Happiness Project I will be charting my progress through my resolutions on twelve areas I need either to enhance, create, adjust, dissolve or some combination of those actions to find the most happy me.
This is my semi one third life crisis as I like to look at it. One third of my life is almost over. It seems silly to think that I am having qualms about being thirty. But let me make it clear that it isn't my age or how I feel or my life experiences that is freakin' me out, it is that on average women live longer than men but still only into their eighties - granted women in my family are strong and tough and seem to live longer than the national average so I am counting on Grandma Shorty here to keep me flowing past 100- and so by thirty years of age we've consumed some good years.
This project is also taking into account the life I have. You know, the one I am living each day. Not some fictional life I have in my head that is void of past mistakes and choices or the life I am expecting to attain at some point in the future. No. This project is now! It focuses on my life as it is and the project is centered at finding greater happiness in my life.
My twelve areas will most likely and no doubt would differ from yours if you yourself would create such a project in your life. I like to think of it as a personalized twelve step plan. And trust me there are most certainly ways to fail at this project. I've run through several different lists at various moments but I owe it to myself to try and try and try. Because Rubin suggests and other authors as well, we are most happy when we are growing in the direction of our goal.
This is my semi one third life crisis as I like to look at it. One third of my life is almost over. It seems silly to think that I am having qualms about being thirty. But let me make it clear that it isn't my age or how I feel or my life experiences that is freakin' me out, it is that on average women live longer than men but still only into their eighties - granted women in my family are strong and tough and seem to live longer than the national average so I am counting on Grandma Shorty here to keep me flowing past 100- and so by thirty years of age we've consumed some good years.
This project is also taking into account the life I have. You know, the one I am living each day. Not some fictional life I have in my head that is void of past mistakes and choices or the life I am expecting to attain at some point in the future. No. This project is now! It focuses on my life as it is and the project is centered at finding greater happiness in my life.
My twelve areas will most likely and no doubt would differ from yours if you yourself would create such a project in your life. I like to think of it as a personalized twelve step plan. And trust me there are most certainly ways to fail at this project. I've run through several different lists at various moments but I owe it to myself to try and try and try. Because Rubin suggests and other authors as well, we are most happy when we are growing in the direction of our goal.
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